It was late January of 2016 when I attended my women’s mastermind group against the advice of just about everyone. Two days earlier, I had been in a car accident, my poor little Toyota Corolla flipping 5 times before coming to a stop on the shoulder of the parkway. I’d walked away relatively “unscathed” (or so I thought at the time), considering myself lucky with just a concussion and a few small gashes from the window glass.
I walked into the room, and all eyes were on me.
“Oh my god, Sheryl. What are you doing here?”
My friends rushed to create a throne of cushions so I could sit comfortably. All the while shaking their heads that I’d even shown up.
What was I doing there? I was building a business. I was on a schedule, and I wasn’t going to let something like a pesky rollover car accident derail me. Sure, I wasn’t my usual quick-witted self. Of course, I had random dizzy spells where it felt like the room, nay the universe, was spinning. Perhaps my processing time had slowed to that of a 1986 Commodore computer. But… I had a business to build.
A friend of mine gave me some advice that day which has been bouncing around in my head for the last few weeks.
“Sheryl, your brain needs to heal. The more you try to get back to your old self and your old schedule, the longer it’s going to take. You need to show yourself grace and give your body the opportunity to rest.”
I’d love to tell you I listened to her that day, threw my feet up on the sofa, and allowed nature to take its course. Of course, that’s not how I roll. I pushed it. I insisted that I’d be fine. I did everything in my power to prove that I was okay to return to “normal duty.” And in the process, I probably set myself back weeks if not months.
So why is this advice bouncing around my brain 7 years later? No, I haven’t had a car accident (and believe me, I’m knocking on every piece of wood I can find right now). About 6 weeks ago, I lost my stepmom. After 20+ years of a heart condition and a lifetime of various autoimmune diseases, her body gave out. She’s been in my life since I was 4 years old, and she’s been my best friend that entire time.
If that’s not bad enough, two weeks before my stepmom passed, my dad fell in the bathroom. He was whisked off to the emergency room, where they determined that he had no physical injuries from the fall… but he also had no memory of it. When my husband and I left for vacation a few days earlier, my dad would forget things occasionally, like words or directions. When we returned from vacation early to help manage my now BOTH hospitalized parents, he had no idea where he was, what he was doing there, or who some of his friends and family were. The fall seemed to have kicked his mild dementia into high gear, and now he needs 24/7 care.
Obviously, I took time off from serving my clients and building my business while they were both in the hospital. Between visiting them both, managing their home (which we need to sell) and finances, coordinating their health and hospice care, making final arrangements for my stepmom, and finding a safe placement for my dad, there wasn’t time left for work, and there certainly wasn’t energy. Clients were sympathetic. The people I’d hired and recruited to help me launch my new book were understanding. My world had stopped for the past 5 weeks. I can even say that for 3 of those weeks, I didn’t beat myself up too badly.
Well, maybe 2.5.
But of course, my “Type A, if I’m not constantly achieving, I’m a failure, my value is based on what I do for others” personality is back… and that bitch is loud.
I have a book to publish and launch.
I have a number of active client projects that need to be completed.
Friends and colleagues are booking new speaking engagements, getting their books out there, creating programs, bringing on new clients, etc… what the hell am I doing?
If I were giving someone else advice, I’d echo something similar to what my friend said to me after my car accident.
“Friend, your soul needs to heal. The more you try to get back to your old self and your old schedule, the longer it’s going to take. You need to show yourself grace and give your body and your spirit the opportunity to rest.”
And as I tell people what’s happened over the past two months, I sometimes float a few feet above my body and listen as if I’m a bystander. Do you know what I say as that bystander?
“Well, holy shit. That woman has been through some real trauma. Of course she gets tired easily, can’t stand to be in public (and away from her puppies) for too long, can’t focus on work, and has random crying spurts at least 5 times a day.”
Right? Isn’t that what you’d say to a friend or even a stranger? Unfortunately, it’s not what I’m saying to myself. Apparently, I give more grace and have more compassion for friends, family members, and that dude on the street corner selling fruit than I have for myself.
I saw a meme the other day, and it hit me pretty hard:
“Girls will be like, ‘I don’t know why I’m so unproductive recently.’ And then you ask what’s going on in their life, and they list eight life-stopping crises and then say, ‘Yeah, but I should be fine.’”
Can you relate? Do you kick yourself because you aren’t being productive in the midst of major trauma? Do you look around at others and think, “They’re doing so much better than me,” without taking into account what you’re going through at the current moment? Do you listen to that awful voice inside your head telling you that you aren’t good enough?
If you wouldn’t (and you shouldn’t) let someone speak to you the way that voice inside your head is speaking to you, it’s time to set a boundary with yourself.
Be kind to yourself. Show yourself compassion. Friend, your soul needs to heal. (And so does mine.)
This post can also be read on Medium.com
Recent Comments