Happy National Stress Awareness Day!
I don’t know about you, but I’m acutely aware of my stress. I have been ever since I was a little 4-year-old girl sitting in the psychologist’s office playing with Legos. Amidst my parents’ rather contentious divorce, they decided I should probably be in therapy. In hindsight, I DID NOT become a serial killer, so nice job, Mom and Dad!
There I was on the floor, trying to make something fit that just plain didn’t, when the psychologist informed my parents, “I’ve never seen a stressed 4-year-old before.”
Awesome. Precocious Sheryl, reporting for duty.
So, I’m very AWARE of my stress. The real question is, what can we do about it?
I’ll be perfectly honest, I haven’t cracked the code on getting rid of stress just yet (my husband will have a good laugh when he reads this), but I can make one suggestion that has made a world of difference in my own life. It’s not bubble baths, yoga, or wine. The first two can help in the short term, but as soon as you leave the tub or step off the mat, your problems will be right there waiting for you. (If you’re currently humming Richard Marx in your head, you are my people!). If you look to wine to solve your problems… yeah, that’s REALLY not going to work, and your problems are going to get worse if you overdo it.
What’s the real secret to minimizing stress? Not overpromising yourself. My friend announced last week, “I’m not Wonder Woman. See (she held up her wrists), no cuffs.”
The hard truth is none of us are Wonder Woman or Superman, or any other fictional character that can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. We are human and limited by the number of hours in a day, the amount of money in our bank accounts, and a certain level of emotional energy. If you try to be everything to everyone, you will be no one to everyone – including yourself.
That’s right, folks, you need boundaries. The absolute best self-care ritual has nothing to do with pampering, candles, and weekend getaways, it’s about creating a life you don’t need to escape from. (But do those other things too. Coloring has also been shown to help lower stress levels and lucky for you… I just created a coloring book!)
How Do You Establish Boundaries?
First, realize you can.
You don’t actually have to do everything for everyone. Go ahead, read that again if you don’t believe me. You are not responsible for fixing other people’s problems, doing their work, and making up for their lack of time management skills. You just aren’t. This doesn’t mean you can’t help other people. If you’ve got the resources and the desire, do it! However, I’m giving you permission to take care of yourself before you try to take care of everyone else. You’re welcome.
Second, communicate clearly.
It can be easy to stick our head in the sand ostrich-style (super guilty over here) and not be clear about whether we will or won’t be doing something. It’s easy to put off answering the request, duck the person’s calls, and pretend that you no longer speak English. Easy in the short term… not great for relationships in the long term. Let people know when you can’t help them with something so they can find someone else who can, rearrange their schedule to do it themselves, or fail and learn their lesson about shirking responsibilities.
Third, understand there may be some disappointed people in your life. To be fair, if you’ve been the go-to for everyone for 40+ years, it’s going to take a bit of adjustment for the people in your world. That’s okay, and that’s on them. You just continue on, rocking your boundaries, and let the pieces fall into place around you. In honor of National Stress Awareness Day, I invite you to reevaluate your schedule and consider whether there are tasks on your to-do list that belong to other people. What do you do to de-stress at the end of the day?
About the Author
Sheryl Green is a Mental Health speaker and author who works with individuals and organizations to establish healthy boundaries to improve relationships, communication, and well-being. Her mission is to make the world a better place… one boundary at a time. Learn more about her entertaining and illuminating programs or contact her at 702.885.4309.
Recent Comments