A new request popped up on LinkedIn (or Facebook or Instagram – feel free to replace it with your social media platform of choice). My thought process went like this: “No excessive political posts, they do something relatively interesting, they don’t look like a serial killer… sure, let’s get to know them!”

Yet, no sooner had I hit the Accept button than the private message arrived.

“So great to be connected! I’d love to help you with your: (speaking career, lower your tax responsibility, publish your book, clean your carpets, etc., etc., etc.)”

Off I run to the shower. I feel dirty. I feel like someone sauntered up to me in a bar, said, “How you doin’?” and then immediately tried to take me home.

Has this ever happened to you? You’re just moving along, minding your own business when BAM… you’ve been advertised at. (If you’re doing this to other people, PLEASE keep reading).

This type of contact is a boundary violation. Just as your home is your safe space, your social media platforms are also within your purview. You didn’t sign up for social media to be sold to; you signed up to connect with people, grow your network, and create symbiotic relationships. Much like the clownfish and the anemone, you need to benefit from one another.

So what can you do to protect your boundaries on social media?

Protecting Your Boundaries on Social Media

Before I dive into this, let me be clear: boundaries are different for everyone. There may be someone out there who finds it perfectly acceptable to open up their messages and find 5 offers of service from complete strangers. No judgment if you think that’s okay. However, like any other boundary work, we must decide what is and is not OK for ourselves.

Starting a social media account (no matter what platform) puts you out there for the world to see. However, that doesn’t mean it’s open season on you! It’s time to decide what you will and will not accept in the world of social media (and if you are guilty of any of these offenses, it’s time to reexamine your social media practices).

Identifying Social Media Boundary Busters

There seems to be less of it at in-person networking events these days, yet I still occasionally come across a Business Card Commando. That’s the name I gave the people who walk up to you, tell you their name and business, then hand you a business card and walk away. They don’t ask you what you do or bother to learn anything about you. They just want to get that card into your hand. Their cards can often be found left behind on the tables, dropped on the floors, or tossed in the trash.

For the virtual space, I’ve coined a new term. I bring you… “Pitch Paratroopers.” They drop out of the virtual sky, lay their pitch on you, and then disappear into the night. Fwoooosh!

“But Sheryl, I believe these “pitches” are done using AI.”

Thanks for pointing that out… that just makes things worse! Unless I missed the rise of the machines and artificial intelligence officially taking over, a human must program (or at least initiate) this type of outreach. Now, I’m not even being pitched by a human taking the time to talk to me, but by a program they set up once and use on everyone. I need more soap.

Setting Your Professional Boundaries

Unfortunately, not every Pitch Paratrooper will see this blog post. So, what can we do to protect our virtual space and our mental health?

You’ve got a few options. First, you could refuse to accept connection requests unless you’ve been introduced by someone or have met the individual in another setting. No doubt, there are many people who operate this way. Could you lose out on some really positive connections by handling your platforms this way? Absolutely.

If you want to remain open to potentially useful collaborations, it’s time to be very specific about who you connect with.

Here are some guidelines to follow (and, of course, add some of your own):

1.     Do you have any connections in common? If so, are you close enough with those other people to ask how they feel about the person?
2.     What does the individual do? Is there potential for collaboration in the future? Do they appear credible with any required credentials, thought leadership in the field, experience, etc.?
3.     Why would they connect with you? Do you both bring something to the table? Think back to the clownfish and the anemone. The relationship must be symbiotic.
4.     Have they personalized their message? “I’d love to connect” is a lot different than “I see you worked for ABC company. I’m thinking about applying there. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the culture.”
5.     Did they provide value? If they took the time to learn about who you are and what you do, they may see an article or video that could help you. (In my opinion, this is less powerful when it’s their article or video – but you must decide that for yourself).

The first step to protecting your boundaries on social media is to be more careful about what connections you accept. The second step is to be more careful about the connections you keep.

Upholding Your Professional Boundaries

Careful as you may, a Pitch Paratrooper will one day find their way into your direct messages. How are you going to deal with this when it occurs?

You have two options (at least).

One option is to immediately disconnect, unfriend, yell “You’re dead to me” at the screen, and move on with your day. You are busy and it would be perfectly understandable if you were to do this. If you’re worried about hurting someone’s feelings or burning bridges, don’t. They probably messaged 20 other people at the same time and have no idea if or when you disconnect. If you’re afraid of the rise of the machines… that’s legit. I’m not sure how the robots will take that.

Another option is to let them know why you are not responding. I recently did this (and if I’m being honest, that “conversation” inspired this post).

After his third attempt at selling me, PP (Pitch Paratrooper) sent the following message:

Sheryl, not sure if you’re on LinkedIn as often as I am. Just circling back on my initial messages.

To which I replied:

Hi PP. Truthfully, I don’t like being sold the moment I connect with someone.
I am not interested.
I wish you the best.

Should I disconnect? Probably. But that message was sent approximately 10 days ago, and I’m still waiting for him to actually read it (or, you know… respond). Call it research at this point.

If they are someone whom you could see yourself potentially collaborating with in the future, feel free to respond and say you’d like to hop on a quick call to learn more about one another. If they respond, maybe it was a good connection after all. If they don’t, you know what to do.

Conclusion

Virtual networking is a wonderful way to meet new people, enhance your network, and find new opportunities and clients… when you handle it responsibly and respectfully. Be mindful of who you allow into your virtual “home” and if someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, know that it’s okay to remove their access to you.