Do your employees have a boundary problem?
Many moons ago, back when I was in college, I worked as a bank teller. It wasn’t exactly exciting, but my manager worked with my school schedule, and it paid the bills. I didn’t know it then, but it also provided many lessons in boundaries… lessons I wouldn’t understand for years.
There were usually two of us stationed at the counter, handling a line of 5-20 people depending on the time of day and day of the week. Normally, the other teller and I would process around the same number of transactions each day. Except, when I worked with this one woman… we’ll call her Michelle for the sake of this story.
When Michelle was working the other teller station, I would take 2-3x the number of transactions each day. Why? Because she took advantage of smoke breaks. She’d smoke 5 or 6 times a day, and each smoke break was 10-15 minutes long. During these breaks, she’d wander around outside, calling friends and chatting up the employees at the deli next door.
For months, I didn’t say anything to her or to my boss about the situation. I just stood there churning out transactions like a machine and seething inside. My resentment grew and grew until, one day, I decided I either needed to speak up or quit my job.
It was around 10 am when I locked my station, grabbed my sunglasses, and walked past my boss on the way out the door.
“Sheryl, where are you going?” She asked.
“I’m heading out for a smoke break.”
“But you don’t smoke.”
“Yeah. I know.”
My point had been made. While we never discussed it again, my boss must have had a conversation with Michelle because she only took 1-2 breaks a day moving forward, and each one was much shorter. Am I proud of how I handled it? Not really. In retrospect, it was a bit passive-aggressive, but it was the only way I knew how to approach it at the time. I am, however, proud of myself for speaking up and standing up for myself.
That’s great, Sheryl… but what does this have to do with me?
If you manage a team, are you careful to divvy up work equally, or do you have one employee who is your “go-to” when you need things done? If so, you may have an employee (or employees) with a boundary problem.
Do Your Employees Have a Boundary Problem?
Before we dive into how to determine if your employee has a boundary problem, let’s address the elephant in the room: If your employee has a boundary problem, that’s their problem… not yours.
Right?
Noooooooo!
Boundary issues impact every facet of our lives. If someone has trouble saying No in their personal life, they don’t get sprinkled with magic fairy dust the moment they step through the office doors. Think about Linus from the Peanuts cartoons. He drags that nasty blanket with him EVERYWHERE.
Why is this a problem for you as the owner of a company or manager of a team?
People-pleasing employees who are always available, eager to step up and take on more work, willing to fill in for someone else, ready and waiting for you to throw another project onto their already full plate, are exhausted. Seriously. They may not be showing it, but their desire to be and do everything for you is killing them.
They may say something, but more than likely, they’ll just let it pile on while shoving their frustrations down. One day, they’ll either blow (which will be extremely uncharacteristic) or, worse, just up and leave.
Then, you will finally understand how their boundary problem is actually your problem, too.
Of course, you could learn to recognize the symptoms and help them set healthy boundaries so you don’t lose a good employee.
Recognizing a Boundary Problem
Unfortunately, you may not notice a boundary problem right away. Work is getting done, so you may not recognize that there is an issue for some time. This is why you need to pay close attention to what’s going on with and between your employees. Here are five situations to look for:
- Is one person clocking a lot of overtime? This could be a sign of two things. Either the team member can’t get their work done during regular hours because they aren’t great at their job/ haven’t been trained properly, or they have too much on their plate. If it’s the latter, are they doing all of their own work or are they picking up the slack for another employee?
- Are there conflicts between team members? While interpersonal dynamics can always be challenging, if one employee feels they are taking on someone else’s responsibilities on a regular basis, they may begin to feel (and act) resentful.
- Decreased productivity. If a normally wonderful employee is beginning to fall behind, missing work, delivering projects late, or not meeting their usual levels of quality, something is probably going on. It could be an issue in their personal life, or it could be that they are experiencing burnout due to a lack of boundaries.
- The team member is withdrawing from the group, not attending meetings, participating in team activities, or engaging with management the way they have in the past.
- Your employee is more irritable than usual. If the (normally pleasant) employee has angry outbursts, is noticeably impatient with colleagues or even customers, or speaks negatively about their work, they may be experiencing burnout.
If you suspect one of your employees is struggling to set healthy boundaries at work, it’s time to have a conversation.
Talking to Your Employees About Boundaries
Choosing when and where to have a conversation with your employee is almost as important as what to say… almost.
First, speak to them privately at a time when emotions are not running particularly high. This must be out of earshot of other employees for multiple reasons. You don’t want them to feel embarrassed or ashamed being called out in front of others, and you want them to be comfortable opening up to you and speaking about other employees if they are part of the issue.
When you do speak with them, you want to be very clear about two things:
- You are concerned for their well-being.
- They are a highly valued member of the team.
Next, work with them to determine their responsibilities (a clear, written job description will help) and what responsibilities or tasks belong to others. Help them to prioritize the work on their plate and if need be, delegate some items to others.
Finally, schedule regular check-ins so they know you are committed to helping them through this challenge.
Conclusion
Your employees are your most valuable asset. Fostering a culture of healthy boundary setting helps you not only keep talented employees but also weed out team members who take advantage of others and your company.
