“No” is a complete sentence.
I realize every professional has their pet peeves. Whether it’s how something is depicted in the media, common misconceptions, or just hackneyed phrases (I’m looking at you, “Take things to the next level”), everyone has something that makes them twitch.
“No is a complete sentence” is mine.
Grammatically, for sure. In certain boundary situations, absolutely. However, if you have a vested interest in seeing a relationship continue and succeed… “No” is not going to cut it.
Boundary Setting Based on Relationships
You may find yourself in a situation where “No” is a completely acceptable and understandable response. For example, you are in a bar, and a skeevy-looking person saunters up to your table and hits on you. By all means, say “No” and return to your previous conversation. You may want to throw a “thank you” in there if they are polite about their request. If they are obnoxious or rude, “No” will suffice.
However, if you are in a professional setting or speaking with friends or family members that you actually care about, it’s time to add some carefully crafted fluff.
The Fallout of Just Saying “No”
Imagine this: you’ve been working really hard to get promoted. Your boss enters your office and says, “I’d love for you to take point on the XYZ project.”
You look them straight in the eye, shake your head, purse your lips, and say, “No.”
How do you think that will go over? Let’s just say I wouldn’t be expecting a corner office anytime soon.
What if a customer asks you to order a new product for your store? If you respond with just “No,” you probably shouldn’t expect them to continue patronizing your establishment.
Saying just “No” in a professional setting can be seen as uncooperative, dismissive, and disrespectful. Not only might you miss out on a future opportunity for advancement, but your current role could be jeopardized.
What about the people you love? What if your sister (who is your best friend and has always been there for you) asks you to drive her to the airport? “No” is a complete sentence, right?
Or your spouse asks you to make dinner that night because they have to work late?
And to complete the tour of cringe-worthy situations, what if your partner proposes to you?
Is “No” a complete sentence?
No! (And I fully recognize the irony in this paragraph.)
In a close personal relationship, that one-word response could be hurtful to the other person. (Or devastating if it’s a marriage proposal).
I’m not saying that “no” isn’t an acceptable response. If you don’t want to or have to do something or don’t have the resources to carry it out, it would be irresponsible to say “yes.” However, for the sake of the relationship, you ought to show some empathy, provide some context, and perhaps offer an alternative.
How to Say No without Burning Bridges
So, let’s say that our answer is No, but we don’t want to get fired, dumped, or uninvited to Thanksgiving. How are you going to communicate your response?
- Express your gratitude or understanding
Responding to the boss: “Wow, thank you so much for believing in me!”
Responding to your sister: “I understand how important it is for you to get to the airport on time, and I know rideshare apps have burned you in the past.”
- Provide context and a reason why you can’t assist
To the boss: “With my current workload, I don’t have the resources to give this project the attention it deserves.”
To your sister: “I have a doctor’s appointment at that time across town. You know, that doctor who is practically impossible to snag an appointment with…”
- Offer an alternative
To the boss: “If we could assign the ABC project to someone else, I could take this on. It’s almost finished, so they just need to tie up the loose ends.”
To the sister: “If you don’t mind getting there a few hours early, I could take you before my appointment. If not, maybe (name someone else) could help.”
- Leave it open for the future
To the boss: “Please keep me in mind for a future project. I would love to take on the challenge when my workload permits.”
To the sister: “Sorry, I can’t help this time. I’m happy to help when I can in the future.”
- Add some fluff
If you find yourself in a situation where you really can’t or don’t need to provide a reason or cannot fulfill future requests, just be polite.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t support you in that way.” Or “While I wish I could, I won’t be able to help you with that.”
The Benefits of Saying No (Nicely)
When you respectfully communicate your ” No, ” you show your professional and personal connections that they matter to you. You don’t take their requests lightly; however, you aren’t the right person (or this isn’t the right time) to do what they’ve asked.
You’ll find that when you communicate properly, relationships are strengthened, and people appreciate your healthy boundaries.
Conclusion
When setting boundaries, there’s no need to burn bridges. Be mindful of how you respond, and you’ll both preserve and improve the relationship. For more information, read the 3 Cs of communicating.
This article is based on my forthcoming book: “You Had Me At No: Boundaries for Leaders.”
