A few weeks ago, my husband and I sat down to watch the Beanie Baby movie “The Beanie Bubble.”
Don’t judge. I think it’s a safe bet that every single human alive during the 90s and early 2000s had at least one (or 50), and it was actually a pretty good movie.
As I’m constantly searching for boundary examples out in the world, one scene stood out in particular.
Early on in the movie, Sheila (played by Sarah Snook) is waiting at Ty Warner’s (Zach Galifianakis) house to discuss interior design. He hasn’t hired her yet, and he is EXTREMELY late for their appointment. When he finally arrives, he doesn’t apologize or act like he’s done anything wrong… and Sheila is pissed.
She storms out after informing him that her time is valuable, and she refuses to be treated poorly.
Not going to lie, I started clapping.
Now, if you’ve ever had a potential (or existing) client stand you up or otherwise disrespect your time, you may have told them to scratch. But if you’ve had unhealthy boundaries your whole life, it’s more likely that you kept your thoughts to yourself and your mouth shut. You probably muttered something under your breath when they finally showed up but went on with business as if nothing had happened.
If this sounds familiar and you got the client, how did the rest of that relationship go? Chances are, they continued to disrespect you and your time/value/expertise/etc. for the duration of your relationship. Why? Because you showed them how they could treat you. You accepted their poor behavior and trained them on how to treat you.
Ouch.
But if I say anything, I might lose the sale!
Very true. But you might save your self-respect. This is where boundaries come in.
Swiss psychiatrist and founder of analytical psychology, Carl Jung, said, “The world will ask you who you are, and if you don’t know, the world will tell you.”
I say the world will ask how to treat you. If you don’t know, the world will similarly decide on its own.
If you don’t teach people how you want to be treated, they’ll make up their own rules. If you don’t reinforce it constantly, they’ll slide back into whatever is most convenient for them.
So, how did it work out for Sheila? She got the client, but more importantly, she got the apology. I won’t ruin the movie for you, but her refusal to be mistreated set the course for their personal and professional relationship.
Whether you are dealing with a professional or a personal contact, you need to decide how you want to be treated, what’s okay, and what’s not. You must set the boundaries, then you must communicate them. Most importantly, you must uphold them. Does this mean that everyone will respect your boundaries? Nope. However, it’s then your choice whether you want to keep them in your life.
To learn more about how to set and communicate your boundaries, check out “You Had Me At No: How Setting Healthy Boundaries Banishes Burnout, Repairs Relationships, and Saves Your Sanity,” now available on Amazon.
How do you train people to treat you?
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