Have you ever made an excuse?

Not just any excuse, but the granddaddy of all excuses… “I can’t help it. My childhood was difficult.”

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not dismissing what you’ve been through. No one’s childhood is perfect, and some people have endured real trauma that has shaped every facet of who they are. But no matter your past, you are still responsible for building a good life for yourself. And even more importantly, you don’t get to ignore the impact you may be having on others.

Years ago, (pre-Oscar slap), I saw a video where Will Smith said, “It’s not your fault if your father was an abusive alcoholic, but it is for damn sure your responsibility to figure out how to deal with those traumas and make a life for yourself.”

I’ll take that one step further and say it’s also your responsibility not to poop all over others (kids, team members, coworkers, friends, etc.) because of what you’ve been through.

Umm… Sheryl, you usually talk about boundaries. Aren’t you getting a little off-topic?

Ye of little faith!

Today, I want to talk about No-BS boundaries.

All too often, I see people use the term “boundaries” as a way to deflect blame, evade responsibility, and dodge accountability for their actions.

They use phrases like “I’m protecting my peace,” but they don’t acknowledge the trail of emotional carnage they are leaving in their wake.

If you believe that setting healthy boundaries is synonymous with refusing to take responsibility for something you’ve done wrong, read on and take notes.

Boundaries Are Not a Shield from Accountability

Admittedly, you are not responsible for everything and everyone. However, you are responsible for your fair share. Whether it’s at home, at the office, or in a volunteer role you’ve taken on, there are tasks that you (and you alone) are responsible for completing.

Maybe you’ve been hired for a specific job, accepted a nonprofit committee appointment, you share the household responsibilities with your significant otter (not a typo) or roommates, or you offered to bring cupcakes for your child’s class project. Whatever it is, once you’ve agreed to do something… do it. People are counting on you, and if you choose to throw up your hands and scream, “I’ve got boundaries!” after the fact, you are not setting healthy boundaries; you are using “boundaries” as a way to avoid accountability.

Boundaries don’t mean avoiding responsibility. They mean owning what’s truly yours while not taking on other people’s tasks.

Boundaries vs. Avoidance

I’ll be honest, there have been many times in my life (pre-boundary journey… and a few mid-boundary journey, too) when I’ve chosen to hide my head in the sand. Sometimes, it seems easier to go full ostrich rather than have a difficult conversation. Sometimes, this conversation is to call someone out on their bad behavior. Sometimes, it’s to admit my own.

It’s very easy to point out when someone else has done something wrong. Admitting we’re at fault? That’s WAY harder.

This is where our childhoods often wreak havoc. After all, if we didn’t get the unconditional love and safety we needed as children, why should we be held responsible for giving it to others?

Why? Because that’s not setting a boundary; that’s making an excuse and then avoiding giving an apology we owe, as it’s easier not to deal with it.

Boundaries and Responsibility Working Together

Our goal is to have Boundaries and Responsibility holding hands, singing Kumbaya, and roasting marshmallows together.

• When something isn’t your responsibility, stop taking it on and trying to fix other people’s problems.
• Be clear with your expectations of others and hold them accountable to agreed-upon boundaries.
• When you make mistakes, own them and apologize.

And please, stop brandishing your childhood like a weapon. It wasn’t your fault that you had a rough upbringing. You know who else’s fault it wasn’t? Your spouse, your kids, your employees, your coworkers, your friends, or that poor bagger at the grocery store.

It is, however, your responsibility to deal with your childhood trauma and not take it out on those around you.

One of the most important boundaries you will ever set is between what has happened to you, and how you will allow it to impact your future. Get out of victim mode, and realize that “your heart, your life, and your happiness is your responsibility, and your responsibility alone.” – Will Smith

Conclusion

Setting boundaries isn’t about escaping responsibility—it’s about owning it. When we establish clear limits, we don’t dodge accountability; we define it. Healthy boundaries ensure that we take responsibility for what’s ours without being guilted into carrying burdens that don’t belong to us.

By practicing No-BS Boundaries, we create a culture of respect, clarity, and accountability—whether in leadership, teamwork, or personal relationships. The result? Less resentment, more integrity, and a healthier, more productive environment for everyone.

If you are ready to bring No-BS Boundaries to your business, let’s chat. We will design a custom workshop for your team using my PEC Method™ so they can embrace accountability and responsibility for better productivity.

About Sheryl Green

Sheryl Green is a Mental Health speaker, author, and the “How to Say No” Expert. She works with individuals and organizations to establish healthy boundaries to improve relationships, communication, and well-being. Her mission is to make the world a better place… one boundary at a time. Learn more about her entertaining and illuminating programs or contact her at 702.885.4309.

Get her “How to Say No” Cheat Sheet at www.SherylGreenSpeaks.com.