Do you have healthy boundaries around time?

The sun is bright, the breeze is warm, and somewhere close, someone is playing “Over the Rainbow” on a ukulele. Everywhere you look, lush tropical foliage surrounds you. You are on vacation. Not a care in the world, responsibilities put on hold, your biggest question is whether you should order a pina colada or a strawberry daquiri.

But then you see them. They’ve got a large desk prominently displayed in the lobby. It’s hard to ignore the siren song of a free luau or whale-watching cruise. You, my friend, are about to be lured into the world of timeshare presentations. Or, shall I say, “time suck” presentations?

If you have ever fallen prey to these smiling faces and their freshly baked cookies, you understand the true value of your time. Sure, sitting through their expertly crafted sales pitch will save you some money on an excursion, but at what expense? Your vacation is so short… why would you consider giving up even a moment of it?

Whether you’ve lost an afternoon in paradise or just find it difficult to turn down a friend’s request for help, you’ve likely kicked yourself at some point for not protecting your time. Time is one of the six boundary categories, and for many of us, it’s the area we protect the least. After all, spending a few hours listening to your best friend complain about her job (again) doesn’t really cost anything.

Or does it?

Time is a Finite Resource

Unless you’ve gotten your hands on Hermione Granger’s Time Turner from Harry Potter, time is a finite resource. One can argue that you can always make more money, but you can’t make more time. You’ve got 24 hours in a day – 16 if you’d actually like to get a healthy amount of sleep. Throw in an 8-hour workday and adult responsibilities, and you’re really looking at somewhere between 4 and 6 hours. Unfortunately, the time theft doesn’t end there. The moment you’re “off the clock” from your professional responsibilities, there is a line of people waiting to place their priorities and demands on your plate. When you say Yes to someone, you are saying No to everything else you could be doing during that time.

Creating Healthy Boundaries Around Time

Learning to protect your time is probably the most valuable skill you can learn. It will serve you in your personal relationships, your professional relationships, and the most important relationship you’ll ever have… the one with yourself. Here are five steps you can take to set healthy boundaries around time.

Pay Yourself First

If you budget your finances, you’ve likely heard how important it is to “pay yourself first.” And by that, experts are referring to putting money into your Savings, not (as one of my old bosses thought) allocating money for the bar before paying bills. When you are setting time boundaries, you need to pay yourself first – block out time on your calendar that is sacred “you time.” Short of a dire emergency, that time must be protected at all costs.

Put your needs first

What do you want, and what do you need? What steps must you take to reach your goals and achieve your dreams? If no one has ever asked you before, it’s time to ask yourself, “What do I need/want?” When you get clear on that, it becomes much easier to turn down invitations, requests for assistance, and “opportunities” that don’t move you closer to those goals. Just in case you are fanning yourself right now, please know that it’s okay to have needs, and it’s okay to make your needs a priority. (I promise!)

Communicate

Most people aren’t mind readers, so do everyone a favor and verbalize your decision. No one can fault you for turning down a request (well, they can… but they’d be wrong). However, people can fault you for leaving them hanging, not answering until the last minute, or agreeing to do something and then not following through. That’s no bueno, and you wouldn’t like it if it were done to you. Be cool, dude. Be cool.

Be Consistent

Most people don’t enjoy hearing the word No. They probably won’t like that the person who has always been their go-to is no longer willing to bend over backward to please them. In an effort to put things back the way they used to be, these people will push.

• “Are you sure you can’t babysit for me tonight?”
• “I know it’s Friday night, but I really need to get this project done by tomorrow.”
• “You’ve always done this for me. I feel like I can’t count on you anymore.”

You can listen to their concerns but don’t change your mind. Be strong, firm, and consistent—or the next time you try to set a boundary with them, it will be even harder.

Learn From Your Mistakes

We all have slip-ups from time to time. Rather than throwing your hands up in shame and disgust, acknowledge what happened and learn from it. You’ll do better next time.

 The Benefits of Protecting Your Time

There are many benefits to setting healthy boundaries and protecting your time. However, one benefit outshines all the others: When you say No to someone else, you get to say Yes to yourself.

When you say No to another 4-hour whine-fest with your best friend, you say yes to positive energy, a good night’s sleep, and your mental health.

When you say No to taking on a client’s last-minute project because they didn’t budget their time well, you say Yes to serving ALL of your clients well and taking time to rest and enjoy your free time.

When you say No to babysitting your sister’s kids again (I mean, how many nights does she actually need to go out each week?), you get to say Yes to that yoga class you’ve been looking forward to all week.

Conclusion

There’s only one person in this world who will make your needs a priority… you. It’s time to get comfortable saying No to other people’s requests on your time so you can say Yes to you.

There’s a science behind saying No so you can say Yes. That’s why I’ve created the Boundaries and Balance Retreat. With this 3-day virtual retreat, you’ll learn how to find the happy medium between giving of yourself and giving up yourself. Book a Discovery Call today, and let’s chat about how I can help you.

What do you need to say No to today so you can say Yes to your dreams?

About the Author

Sheryl Green is a Mental Health speaker and author and the “How to Say No” Expert. She works with individuals and organizations to establish healthy boundaries to improve relationships, communication, and well-being. Her mission is to make the world a better place… one boundary at a time. Learn more about her entertaining and illuminating programs or contact her at 702.885.4309.