Have you ever had a water leak at your house?

We usually don’t notice the subtle signs – the slightly extra damp soil in the garden, peeling paint on the walls, or a small discoloration on the ceiling.

No, we don’t usually notice a leak until we receive a water bill that could fund the Georgia Aquarium or come home to find that our bathtub has crashed through the ceiling and is now resting on our kitchen island.

Sheryl, why are we talking about water leaks? Have you decided to become a plumber?

I’m so glad you asked! No, I’m going to stick with boundaries. But it occurred to me the other day, that energy leaks are a lot like water leaks.

You see, a lot of people I talk to, don’t know they have a problem with boundaries.

Now, I’m not suggesting that every single human on the planet has unhealthy boundaries. There are many people who were either taught how to set boundaries as a child, or learned it themself as an adult.

There are also a lot of people who are ignoring the overly damp soil in the garden, and haven’t noticed that tiny discoloration on the ceiling.

They believe that “it’s fine,” “I like being helpful,” “it feels good to be so needed.” These people don’t believe that boundaries are a big enough issue in their lives to address.

Unfortunately, a bathtub WILL coming crashing through their ceiling eventually.

Today, let’s identify the signs of an energy leak or a boundary leak, so you can protect your mental and physical health.

Signs You May Have Unhealthy Boundaries

There are two ways you may discover unhealthy boundaries in your life. The first is how you behave, and the second is how you feel. As you read through, take an honest look at yourself and see what resonates. Self-reflection is never easy, but it’s always worth it!

How You Behave

Our behavior is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves and others. Have you ever engaged in any of these unhealthy behaviors?

1. People-pleasing. You put other people’s needs ahead of your own.
2. You take on more responsibilities that you can realistically handle.
3. Communicating Passive-Aggressively. Instead of speaking up when something bothers you, you bottle it up and end up making snide remarks, rolling your eyes, or making faces.
4. Instead of dealing with problems, you just avoid the person or the situation and hope it “goes away on its own.”
5. Yessing everyone to death. You find it impossible to say No even when you truly don’t want to do something, or can’t get it done.

When you behave in any of these ways, there will be internal consequences to your actions.

How You Feel

Identifying our emotions is another great way to notice when we have an energetic leak in our life. Take a look at this list and see what resonates.

1. You feel bad or like you’ve let others down whenever you do say No.
2. Looking at your schedule, you can’t possibly fathom how you’ll get everything done.
3. You worry that if you speak up, you’ll damage or lose the people close to you.
4. Even though you love the people in your life, you resent them for “taking advantage” of your kindness.
5. Low self-esteem. You feel unworthy of self-care and believe your value comes from meeting the needs of others.

As these emotions get stronger, we become burned out. Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion that can’t be cured with a weekend getaway or a bubble bath. Burnout requires time off, a nervous system reset, and most importantly, we must change the conditions that caused it in the first place.

The First Step to Setting Healthy Boundaries

In order to start setting healthy boundaries in your personal and professional lives, you need to recognize that you haven’t done so in the past. Brace yourself, because you may not like what I’m about so say.

You also need to accept that it is your responsibility to do so.

We like to throw around statements like, “They took advantage of me.”

But when we do this, we become a passive participant in our own lives. We become a victim of our circumstances, and we give away our power to do anything about it in the future.

It’s time for a reframe.

Instead of saying, “They took advantage of me,” say, “I allowed them to take advantage of me.”

When you accept responsibility, you become a proactive participant, and take your power back. Because then it becomes, “I allowed them to take advantage of me in the past… and I won’t allow it in the future.”

How empowering is that! (You can go ahead and shake your first if you like.)

Conclusion

You can’t fix a water leak until you’ve identified that you have one. Likewise, you can’t stop an energy leak until you recognize that how you are behaving and feeling are symptoms of unhealthy boundaries in your personal life and your professional world.

For more information on establishing healthy boundaries in your personal and professional life, visit www.SherylGreenSpeaks.com

About Sheryl Green

Sheryl Green is a Mental Health speaker, author, and the “How to Say No” Expert. She works with individuals and organizations to establish healthy boundaries to improve relationships, communication, and well-being. Her mission is to make the world a better place… one boundary at a time. Learn more about her entertaining and illuminating programs or contact her at 702.885.4309.

Get her How to Say No cheat sheet.