Are you feeling overwhelmed by holiday responsibilities?

A few days before Thanksgiving, my client was in a panic. She was looking forward to visiting a friend for the holiday, but she didn’t have the time or energy to bake the pumpkin pie they asked her to bring.

That wasn’t surprising. With a full-time, extremely demanding job, a full-home renovation project, and volunteer responsibilities (not to mention taking care of her own family), baking was the last thing she had time for.

“Just buy the damn pie,” I told her.

Holiday Overwhelm

Too often, we get caught up in the “have to’s” of the holiday season.

We have to:

• Attend all the parties
• Bake and cook everything from scratch
• Buy presents for everyone and their dog
• Forgo self-care, financial freedom, basic needs, and our mental health to keep up with the holiday demands.

I don’t believe I’ve ever used this term before, but here I go… that’s hogwash!

The holidays are supposed to be… wait for it… whatever you want them to be! If you like attending EVERY SINGLE PARTY, good for you. If baking fills your cup and you’ve got some free time on your hands, awesome! But if you have limited time, money, or social batteries, you must be selective and choose wisely.

Here are some tips for maintaining your mental and physical health during the holidays. 

Be Mindful of Your Financial Budget

It would be lovely to shower everyone you’ve ever met with oodles of presents. However, you shouldn’t pay for gifts (and the interest those purchases have accrued) well into the new year. Before you start shopping, figure out what you can realistically afford to spend this holiday season. Unless you take on an extra job or have a ton of discretionary income, this will likely mean reallocating funds and NOT doing something else you had planned (renovations, travel, investments). Are you willing to pass on those expenditures so you can “keep up with the Joneses” of gift buying?

Once you’ve decided how much you can (and are willing to) spend, it’s time to communicate with friends and family. Rather than being left scrambling for a generic gift in your closet when someone arrives with a present, have a conversation ahead of time. Let people know that you want to have a minimalist holiday, work within a limited budget, or would prefer to spend quality time rather than amassing more junk. (Be honest… don’t most gifts get donated or regifted after collecting dust for a few years?)

Most people don’t need more stuff. What do they need? Experiences, quality time, assistance with their daily lives, etc. Get creative, and your “gifts” will mean way more.

Be Mindful of Your Energy Budget

Holiday responsibilities are exhausting! Every company, organization, association, and club has a holiday party. If you are out and about during the year, you’ll probably have a pretty full calendar come December. In fact, you may be going to multiple parties in a day!

I’m going to let you in on a little secret.

You don’t actually have to go to all of them. Go ahead, fan yourself. You can even clutch your pearls. If the thought of missing a social obligation leaves you feeling guilty, or with a sense of FOMO, you’re not alone. However, these aren’t social obligations, they are social invitations. If you’re hosting, you have to show up. If you’re not hosting, you are not required to attend every party you’re invited to.

Still hyperventilating? After determining if an event fits into your schedule, ask yourself these questions before accepting an invite:

1. How well do I know the host? Skipping out on your best friend or your biggest client’s soiree may leave the host feeling like they are less important to you. Skipping the party of someone you just met or a friend of a friend isn’t a big deal and will save your energy for more important events.
2. Is this a rare opportunity? If you’ve been invited to a private holiday party at your favorite museum, a boat ride around the city, an art studio, or something else that lights you up, consider going. This is your chance to do something different and experience something you rarely experience. On the other hand, you can always go to a restaurant or visit someone’s home. If the event itself doesn’t excite you, consider skipping it.
3. What will happen if I don’t go? Declining most invites will have little impact on your future. Your neighbor or third cousin would love to see you, but if they don’t, they’ll be just fine (as will your relationship). However, if a prospective client or the parents of the person you’re dating invite you… you’ll probably want to attend.

Make your Own Traditions

Who says the holidays have to look a certain way? Sure, we may have some childhood traditions we’d like to continue (Muppet movies and Chinese takeout, anyone?), but that doesn’t mean we can’t tweak them or create new traditions of our own.

I recently learned about Jólabókaflóð, an Icelandic tradition where people exchange books as presents on Christmas Eve and then sit around in their pajamas eating chocolate and reading for the rest of the night.

Sign. Me. Up.

If the traditional party, filled with loud music, alcohol, and rich foods, doesn’t appeal to you, limit your attendance at these events and create your own “parties.” Read books, bake cookies, watch cheesy Christmas movies with your friends. Do whatever it is that fills your cup with holiday cheer.

The holidays are yours to design. Protect your time, your energy, and your health. And for the love of all that is yummy… just buy the damn pie.

To hire Sheryl to speak to your organization or for more tips about setting and communicating healthy boundaries in your personal and professional life, visit www.SherylGreenSpeaks.com.

Happy holidays!

About Sheryl Green

Sheryl Green is a Mental Health speaker, author, and the “How to Say No” Expert. She works with individuals and organizations to establish healthy boundaries to improve relationships, communication, and well-being. Her mission is to make the world a better place… one boundary at a time. Learn more about her entertaining and illuminating programs or contact her at 702.885.4309.

Get her How to Say No cheat sheet.