How much is too much “coffee?”
No, this piece isn’t about caffeine. I wouldn’t dare suggest you give up your sustenance. We’re actually talking about boundaries around networking.
If you’re an entrepreneur, a salesperson, represent a nonprofit, or have other interests that get you out and about in the community, you probably spend much of your day having “coffee.” (Or going to lunch, attending networking events, hopping on Zoom calls, etc.) Don’t get me wrong, networking is how I (and many others) have built our businesses. The old adage “People do business with people they know, like, and trust” is still true today. If you want clients, you’re going to have to put yourself out there and meet people (sorry, introverts!).
There are so many networking “opportunities” (some costly, some free) that you could spend your entire work week (and more) attending events and meetings or one-on-ones. Of course, if you did this, you’d have no time to actually DO whatever it is you do. Every hour you spend out in the world shmoozing is one less hour you have to write, practice law, coach clients, make candles, give haircuts, bookkeep, write offers on homes, create financial plans, etc. etc. etc. Add to this the amount of time it takes to drive somewhere and back, the cost of gas, and whatever your order to drink or eat, and networking becomes rather expensive.
I’m often asked, “How much time should I dedicate to networking, and what if I don’t actually want to meet with someone.” This, my friends, is where healthy boundaries come into play. Of course, there’s one other aspect to networking that, as a woman, I feel the need to mention… safety. Let’s start there, shall we?
Staying Safe
If you are a man reading this, you’ve probably never considered that you could be in danger just by accepting a networking invitation. However, even in public settings, “networking” with relative strangers puts us ladies at risk. (Guys, that means if you want to do business with us, it’s your responsibility to do EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER to make us feel comfortable. If that means having the first few chats by phone or Zoom, get over your dislike of technology and fire up your computer.)
Ladies, I don’t care if the man you are interested in networking with would prefer to meet in person. If you’re not comfortable, Zoom it up! If you don’t want to meet with them at all, that’s okay too (more about that later). In “You Had Me At No: How Setting Healthy Boundaries Helps Banish Burnout, Repair Relationships, and Save Your Sanity,” I talked about how you shouldn’t put yourself in danger because you are afraid of being labeled “rude.” After all, you can’t do business if you are dead.
And can we just get this out of the way… if you are asking the other person out on a date as opposed to helping further their business, just freaking say it. Almost every woman I know has been on one of those “I just thought we were talking about our businesses – why is he hitting on me?” coffees or lunches. Not cool.
Finding a Healthy Balance
Okay, we got the icky “Serial Killers probably network too” section out of the way. Now, it’s time to figure out how much of your time to dedicate to meeting and getting to know people. The answer?
It depends. (Sorry! But it does.)
If you are in the beginning stages of your business and have no clients to speak of, you have more free time. As long as you are laying the foundation for your business (setting up systems, creating content, studying to become an expert in your field, etc.), network to your heart’s content. You’ll probably learn quite a bit from asking questions of people who might be your “ideal client.” However, if you are further along and super busy doing what you do and getting referrals from happy customers, you’re going to have less time to spend out in the world drumming up knowledge and interest.
How do you find a healthy balance and protect your calendar? Well…
Protect your calendar
If you’re using a scheduling program like Calendly or Tidycal, or have an assistant scheduling your meetings, decide in advance how much time you will dedicate to networking and then block that time out on your calendar. Some systems will allow you to set the number of meetings (of a specific type) you allow to be booked each day.
Become friends with Zoom
Or Google Meet, Skype, or whatever virtual meeting platform floats your boat. If you are extremely busy or just tired of paying $8 for a cup of coffee or tea, insist that all initial conversations happen virtually. A lot can be discussed in 30 minutes, so start off with a half-hour time slot. If you see the potential to work together in the future or would like to get to know the person better, schedule a follow-up for longer or in person.
Repeat After Me: “Hard Stop”
The beginning of a meeting is the perfect time to set another boundary. Say the following after you’ve greeted one another:
“I have a hard stop at (insert time).”
This sets up the expectation that your meeting WILL end at whatever time you’ve scheduled it to end. If you want to tell them you have another meeting after, go for it. If you don’t want to explain, that’s okay, too.
A few minutes before your hard stop time, wind the call down, recap what you discussed (and if you’ve promised to send them anything or vice versa), discuss any follow-up plans, and if you don’t wish to meet with them again, let them know you have to go and you hope they have a great day.
Just Say No
Some people are not your ideal audience, likely don’t interact with your ideal audience, or, let’s be honest, make your skin crawl clean off your body. If you don’t want to meet with someone (for whatever reason), you don’t have to. There’s no need to be rude. Be direct, kind, and brief. You can say something like:
“I’m only meeting with potential clients at this time. Thank you for understanding.”
“I wish I could. However, my schedule is very full. So I have to say no. Thank you.”
“Thank you for the invite. I’m going to pass.”
A person could be offended by that – but that would be on them. If they get nasty about it… awesome. You just dodged a bullet.
Conclusion
How much time you spend networking is a very personal decision. Thankfully, you now have the knowledge (and the right) to make an informed decision as to how you spend your time and who you spend it with.
