Oh Crap. Now I have to Live my Own Life

Funny story. Just a few weeks before I moved into my first rental (alone), I ended up standing in the candle aisle at Cost Plus: World Market, weeping openly while staring at some pillar candles. No, it wasn’t the price (I had a coupon!), it was the decision. I was trying to decide between two different colors and it occurred to me that I didn’t have the slightest freaking clue what colors I liked.

It sounds ridiculous, but after having lived with my mom for my entire young life, then moving in with a roommate then my eventually to be ex-husband, and then my dad and step-mom, I was so used to taking everyone else’s taste and desires into account, that I’d never actually bothered to figure out my own. Indecision over a candle wasn’t the problem (although my fellow shoppers looked a tad creeped out), it was just a symptom of a much larger problem. I didn’t know who I was because I’d spent my entire life putting someone else’s desires first.

I was living someone else’s life because it was easier than living my own. Now, that other person was gone and I would have to focus on me. What did I want to do? What did I like? What color pillar candle would make my bedroom pop?

Oh crap.

So what’s the next step? Well, you can steal someone’s identity and just adopt whatever they like, but there are so many crimes associated with that and it’s really hard to hide a body (I’ve heard), so it’s best to avoid this option unless absolutely necessary. Instead, it’s time to meet yourself. I know, it sounds funny and so simplistic, but it’s true. You need to discover who you are, what you like, and what you want out of life.

How?

I always have my clients do a “Like List”. Write down 100 things that make you smile. Some examples:

– Watching the sun rise over the mountains in the morning.

– Lazy Sunday mornings spent watching cartoons with my dog, wearing yoga pants (you, not the dog – okay, maybe the dog too), and eating pancakes.

– Cat videos on the interweb.

If that seems like too daunting a task, start with what you don’t like. Often, it’s easier to identify what makes us angry or disgusted than it is to determine what makes us do the Snoopy Dance. Once you know what you don’t like, you can figure out what you do.

Start out small and have fun! I know it sounds scary but this is actually really exciting. Try on new clothes, experience new activities, taste new foods. Consider this your rebirth.

It’s time to meet the most important person in your life… you.