Self-Boundary Setting

Nov 6, 2023 | book, boundaries, boundary setting, Entrepreneurial Skills, goal setting, mental health, personal development, stress

Bear yawning

What boundaries do you set with yourself?

There are somewhere between 5 and 10 major stressors in life. Right now, I’m in the middle of one of them. Add that to the fact that I’ve gone through three of the other ones in the last 6 months… and you could say I’m a bit on edge. What I’d really like to do is curl up in the fetal position with my dogs and enough chocolate to hibernate through the winter (for me, not them. Never feed chocolate to dogs).

Alas, there are clients to serve, books to sell, speaking engagements to schedule, and newsletters to write. While I’d love to call it a season and go full bear, it’s not realistic. This brings me to the topic of this week’s piece – Self-Boundary Setting.

Self-Boundary Setting

That’s right. You not only have to set boundaries with others, but you actually have to set them with yourself, too. In fact, I’d dare say that the first boundaries you have to set are with yourself. There are 6 categories of Boundaries: Material. Emotional, Mental, Physical, Sexual, and Time. For now, let’s take a look at Time, possibly the biggest boundary challenge area of all.

How do you spend or budget your time? Do you protect your time, only committing to things you really want to or have to do and things that move you closer to your goals? Or, has your calendar become a free-for-all, first come, first serve, in which you never actually leave time for yourself and your priorities?

If you’re like most people, that latter situation struck a chord. But how can you protect your time boundaries from… yourself? (Cue the scary music.) Especially, when your day (or week, or month) has turned into a literal and figurative dumpster fire?

Protecting Your Time Boundaries

  1. Keep the end goal in mind. You have a job to do, a business to run, a family to care for, or some other responsibility to handle. If your schedule goes flying off the rails completely, you will not reach your end goal. Set your sights on what you want to achieve, and constantly bring your attention back to it.
  2. Minimize your goal. Calm down, go-getters, not forever. I’m just saying that when you are at the height of a stressful life situation, it’s not the best time to have “Conquer the world” on your to-do list. Maybe just conquer your cul-de-sac right now and save the rest of the universe for when you’re in a better emotional state. I’ve got plenty of client work to catch up on, and my life isn’t a Disney movie where small woodland creatures take care of all my responsibilities. However, it doesn’t all have to be done TODAY. I picked out the most important projects, and I’ll make sure those get done. The rest can wait patiently.
  3. Break the goal into smaller tasks. Perhaps you can’t complete the entire project today, but you can chip away at it by completing smaller pieces of the whole. Who knows, you may even find that you can do more than you originally thought. If so, run with it. If not, don’t beat yourself up.
  4. Schedule time to wallow. If you put your eye on the prize and ignore the emotions you’re experiencing, they will eat you alive when you aren’t looking. Schedule some breaks throughout the day to step away from work, sit with whatever emotions are bubbling up, and eat a piece of chocolate (just a piece!). When you’re done, out your working cap back on, switch your phone to Do Not Disturb, and head back to the task at hand.
  5. Give yourself grace and space. Whatever you can get done, do. Whatever you can’t, work into your schedule on another day, delegate it to someone you work with (or a family member), or just accept that it doesn’t need to get done (because seriously, not everything on our to-do lists does).

A rough situation or emotional state doesn’t have to send your success out the window. Set boundaries with your time and remember that you can take time to tend to your feelings… and your need for chocolate. Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a Reese’s Peanut Butter Pumpkin with my name on it.

Do you take time to acknowledge and sit with your feelings?

About the Author

Sheryl Green is a Mental Health speaker and author who works with individuals and organizations to establish healthy boundaries to improve relationships, communication, and well-being. Her mission is to make the world a better place… one boundary at a time. Learn more about her entertaining and illuminating programs or contact her at 702.885.4309.