You’ve been lied to.

Somewhere along the way, you learned that a great leader gives EVERYTHING they have. Blood, sweat, tears, and weekends. You’ve been taught that a great leader sacrifices themselves and “goes down with the ship.” Now, I’m certainly not a maritime expert. However, I believe real leadership is about staying calm at the helm —not sinking out of obligation.

It’s time we separate the term “leader” from that of “martyr” and discover why the “always available” leader who jumps in to fix everything and save the day…  won’t be around to fix anything for very long.

That “always available” leader is missing one essential leadership skill… boundary-setting. And believe it or not, without it, you can’t be successful.

The Cost of Over-Giving

Whether you’re a new leader trying to find your path, or a seasoned leader who is… let’s be honest now… frigging exhausted, this is for you. And, don’t worry. You’re not alone.

In fact, according to a 2023 report by Harvard Business Review, over 53% of managers report feeling burned out at work.

Fifty-three percent!

While leading without boundaries may seem like a good idea, it really isn’t. There are three unfortunate outcomes you (and your organization) will experience if you continue on this course.

1. Complete and utter exhaustion. Do you work ridiculously long hours, skip meals, and forgo vacations? Have your family and friends forgotten what you look like? While it may feel good to work your assets off for a little while, this isn’t sustainable, and you’ll end up burned out, resentful, and frankly… useless. You’ve heard the term “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” If you attempt to lead without taking care of yourself and your own needs, you’ll find out you can’t pour from a shattered cup either.
2. Loss of strategic vision. Where is your daily focus? When you spend your days running from one end of the building to the other (physically or metaphorically), attempting to solve everyone’s problems, you’ll have no time to dedicate to growing your business. Without true leadership and vision, your team and your organization will stagnate.
3. Damaged culture. When you take on other people’s problems, you teach them to rely on you to solve everything. Employees won’t believe they are capable, that you trust them, or that their contribution has any impact on the company. This leads to dissatisfaction and perusing the Jobs tabs on LinkedIn during meetings.

Over-giving is not only detrimental to your well-being, but it also has the potential to sink your entire organization.

Boundaried Leadership^TM

Too many people look at boundaries as an emergency tool. This is DANGEROUS! Boundaries aren’t the bucket you reach for when the ship is taking on water. Boundaries are the invisible architecture that holds our lives (and our metaphorical boats) together.

When we start with boundaries, we:

• Stay clear, consistent, and calm… no matter what the sea has in store for us. ((Hang in there… I’m almost done with the boat references.)
• Create safety and predictability for our teams.
• Say ‘no’ to the distractions, and ‘yes’ to better focus for long-term results.

Boundaried leaders know how to lead without losing themselves.

How to Lead Without Losing Yourself

While it feels good to be needed, it feels even better to know you can grab a taco mid-day without the world coming to an end. Believe it or not, there are steps you can take to ensure that your business and your team can survive without you long enough to eat a meal, or (egad!) take a long weekend.

1. Empower team members to take ownership. You hired your employees for a reason. Show them. Give them the power to do their jobs, make decisions, solve problems, and take ownership. Show them you trust them.
2. Embrace the Pause. Leadership isn’t about reflexive people-pleasing. When someone comes to you with a question, a request, or an invitation, Pause. Take a breath and allow your logical brain to take the wheel.
3. Treat your time as “sacred.” As a leader, your most significant contribution is your vision and your ability to lead your team towards that vision. To do this, you need to create white space in your day. Thinking, reflection, and recharge time are as (if not more) important than the time you spend “doing” tasks. This is when your creativity and ingenuity come out to play. Setting time boundaries is essential to protect what matters most.
4. Communicate clearly. Don’t leave your team guessing. Once you’ve identified your boundaries, you’ll need to communicate them with others. Be clear and understand that “nice” (i.e., avoidant so you don’t hurt someone’s feelings) doesn’t always equal “kind.”
5. Live by example. “Do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t work with children, and it won’t work with your staff either. If you want them to be as productive and successful as possible, you’ll need to model the behaviors that contribute to their success. When you create and maintain healthy boundaries, you’ll teach your team that it’s okay to do the same.

Leading without losing yourself isn’t selfish… it’s the only way to lead for the long haul.

The Ripple Effect

Here’s the great news: Just like a rising tide lifts all boats (I swear, I’m almost done with these), when you have better boundaries, the people around you will too.

• Teams will feel safer to set boundaries with themselves, their coworkers, and you.
• Communication will improve, which will in turn decrease conflict, drama, and resentment.
• Productivity will actually increase, because your people will work smarter instead of longer.

Real leaders don’t go down with the ship. They steer the ship better so it doesn’t crash.

Conclusion

You can’t model resilience from the bottom of the ocean. Step back, set your boundaries, and steer smarter.

If you’re ready to build a workplace where leaders model clarity, connection, and calm (instead of burnout), learn more about The Boundaried Workplace™ and how it can help your team thrive.