Do you ever feel like ALL the work is falling on you? Like, if you don’t get something done, no one else will? What about, like, your employees are taking advantage of your desire to see the team succeed?
If you’re an overworked manager, stop nodding. You probably look like a bobble head.
Leading a team can be EXHAUSTING!
Especially when you train them to rely on you for everything. (ie: You’ve got no Leadership Boundaries.)
Wait… what’s that, Sheryl? Did you just suggest I’m responsible for my own burnout?
Umm… kind of. Please don’t throw your phone or punch your computer just yet.
There’s a psychological term called “Learned Incompetence,” and it might be what’s making you so tired.
Learned Incompetence
Learned Incompetence is when a person realizes that if they don’t do something correctly, or at all, someone else will step in and do it for them. (Often a well-meaning but boundary-challenged parent, manager, or coworker.)
I’ll give you an example.
I used to substitute teach for the school district, and while I’ve got enough stories to fill a book, there’s one that stands out in particular.
I was subbing in a math class. The students were assigned bookwork by their teacher. It was for the best… I’m terrible at math.
They had two possible books they could’ve been working out of. One was a textbook that taught theory but had no actual problems to solve. The other was a workbook filled with worksheets, and the book titles were EXTREMELY indicative of what was inside.
I wrote the assignment on the board, and half the hands in the classroom shot up.
“Which book do we use?”
Now, considering how many kids asked the question, and how easy it would’ve been for them to figure out which book the work was in (due to the title or just by opening them and looking at the assigned page), my guess is that they had been trained by their teacher, parents, and I’ll go ahead and blame society too, that critical thinking was not necessary.
I refused to add fuel to this fire. I asked one of the kids to read the book titles out loud, and for another to take a wild guess as to which book might be hiding the worksheet. Yeah, I’m a smartass. But the kids actually appreciated it.
They found the work (all on their own), and I’d like to think I taught them some independence that day.
Are You Training Your Employees to Depend on You?
Now, let’s shift back to the workplace. Are you leading without boundaries? Do your employees know you are available 24/7 to answer questions? Will you get frustrated when someone doesn’t know how to do something, and respond with “I’ll just do it myself?” Or will you be the one to work through the night if your employees let a ball drop?
You aren’t being nice and supportive of your team; you are leading without boundaries and creating Learned Incompetence.
While it feels good to be needed, if your team can’t function without you, you’re setting yourself up for burnout and holding your team back.
The Danger of the Open Door Policy
While “open door” policies have been celebrated for years as the gold standard of employee communication, I think they are complete BS. Because… you guessed it… no leadership boundaries.
For one, you can’t focus (or take a day off) if people are constantly interrupting you. But more importantly (at least for this article), you are training your staff to be completely reliant on you.
Imagine your employee has a question about how to do something. They could:
- Look it up. Your business has detailed procedures that they can easily access.
- Check with a coworker who could guide them towards the right resource.
- Figure it out themselves, because they are smart and your system is fairly intuitive.
Or… they could come running to you. Easier? For sure. More beneficial in the long run for their self-esteem and future work success? Nope.
If you make yourself TOO accessible, your employees won’t need to think. And eventually, they won’t want to (or be able to) solve problems on their own.
Now, I’m not saying to leave your employees up a creek without a proverbial paddle, but if there are resources they can draw upon, there’s no reason for you to be fielding every question.
Read the full article “Why Open Door Policies Don’t Work.”
Saving the Day
Put your cape away. You are a leader, not a superhero. It is not your job to rescue your employees. When you see an employee struggling, it’s easy to say, “I’ll just do it myself,” but this is a slippery slope.
Instead, pause and ask yourself, “Is this mine to fix or theirs to learn from?”
When you rescue people, you rob them of the opportunity. Setting and maintaining boundaries will protect both you and them.
Sheryl, I’m not rescuing. I’m just helping.
Yeah, about that… helping isn’t fixing. It’s coaching.
When someone comes to you with a problem, resist the urge to give them the answer. Instead, ask guiding questions like, “What options do you see?” or “What’s a good next step?” You can provide feedback without giving them a finished solution.
Or, you can use my husband’s line. When he asks a question and someone says, “I don’t know,” he follows it up with, “But what if you did know?”
(Maybe don’t use it with your significant otter, though.)
Conclusion
While it’s easy to write off employees as “needy” or “high maintenance,” we need to first examine whether their constant need for guidance or reassurance is due to Learned Incompetence —and if we’re the ones who contributed to it.
If you’re tired of feeling like the office parent, stop packing everyone’s metaphorical lunch.
You don’t have to do it all — and you shouldn’t.
Let me say that one more time because it just might be the lifeline you need.
You don’t have to do it all — and you shouldn’t.
Leadership Boundaries don’t make you cold; they make you clear. And clear leaders build strong teams that don’t need saving every five minutes.
If you’re ready to build a team that doesn’t rely on constant rescuing, explore The Boundaried Workplace™ — where boundaries become your best leadership tool.
