How do you turn someone down?
Every day, we are presented with “opportunities.” They may come in the form of an invitation to a fundraising event, a party, or even just a casual dinner with friends. They could be a request for your help like counseling a friend through a difficult situation or helping your brother move into a new place. “Opportunities” could even look like a new client or a new project with an existing client.
The difficult truth is that there just isn’t enough time to do absolutely everything (I know, Superwoman… you were banking on making it work). If you don’t have time to do everything, you have two options:
1. Tell the opportunity presenter that you won’t be participating.
2. Fake your own death and start a new life somewhere else.
Frankly, as much as starting over sounds like a great plan sometimes, the logistics make it very impractical. Which means… we will have to let people down easy.
So, how do you turn someone down?
I was speaking to a group yesterday about my Clash Question (a system to determine whether you should say yes to an “opportunity”) and during the Q&A session, a hand popped up in the audience.
“When we tell someone No, should we say “because I don’t want to”?”
I mean… you could. However, depending on your relationship with the person, that might not be received well. Don’t get me wrong, there are certain people in your life who will laugh and accept that as a response. There are also plenty of people to whom you do not owe an explanation. (I’m thinking of all the times I got hit on by skeezy men in bars when I was single). For these people, a simple No will suffice. Maybe a “no thank you” if you’d like to be a bit more congenial.
For the people in your life who you care about, and would like to continue having a relationship with, you may want to approach this differently.
For example: You are invited to a party by a friend, but you’d rather be home in your sweats with one hand in a bowl of popcorn, and the other hand petting your bark babies.
How do you let your friend know?
1. Thank you so much for the invite. It’s been a difficult week and I need some time to relax and recoup. I’m going to skip this one, but I’d love an invite to the next one.
2. I appreciate you thinking of me. I’m going to pass. I’ve just started this new healthy eating program and I’m not ready to be surrounded by fried foods and alcohol.
3. I love that for you! I’ve got other plans already so I’m going to pass. Have fun! (And yes, movie night with your fur child is a legitimate plan).
There are hundreds of ways that you could approach this conversation. The most important way? Be clear and concise. Don’t leave your answer up to any interpretation, and don’t respond with “I’ll get back to you” if you have no intention of doing so. Leaving someone hanging or letting them down, is considerably worse (and much more damaging to your relationship) than telling them No in the first place.
Need more help? Download a free Cheat Sheet on How to Say No: please click here.
Remember, you don’t have all the time in the world which means you can’t do all the things. And that’s okay! There’s no need to fake your own death when you learn how to (and get comfortable with) turning people down.
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