I remember the first time my husband said, “No is the second-best answer.” He was consoling me after I didn’t get a speaking engagement I’d applied for.

Needless to say, in the moment, I was not consoled, I was pissed. How could “No” be a good answer? Where was my “yes?” I wanted the meeting planner to come back with, “Yes, of course, we’re going to hire you. And since you are so amazing, we are going to pay you 10x what you asked for! The private jet (filled with sloths) will pick you up on Tuesday.”

Fine, it wouldn’t have been the most realistic of responses, but it would’ve been nice. (And just to be clear, the sloths would have been the passengers, not the pilot. Their reaction time leaves much to be desired).

Of course, once I gave up my delusions and moved farther along on this boundary journey, I realized the joy of NO.

No Is a Gift You Give Yourself

Before we get into the beautiful benefits of No, let’s set the scene. Have you ever been:

• Asked to help a friend or colleague with a project?
• Invited to a social engagement?
• Asked to lend money, time, energy, material possessions, etc., to someone in your life?
• Grilled by a well-meaning relative or friend about an area of your life you didn’t want to talk about?
• Tempted to agree to a large amount of work for a small amount of money from a PIA client?

Sound familiar? Of course it does! If you have ever interacted with other humans in any capacity, requests have been made. And unless you were born with rockin’ boundaries or managed to read “You Had Me At No: How Setting Healthy Boundaries Helps Banish Burnout, Repair Relationships, and Save Your Sanity” before it was ever written, you’ve probably said yes to one or two things in your lifetime that you’d rather not have said yes to.

What happened when you did?

If you’re like most people, your day (or life) got hijacked. You ended up overwhelmed, exhausted, resentful, and pissy. Probably, you fell behind on your own responsibilities and found yourself turning your anger towards the only acceptable person (in your mind)… yourself. If you didn’t have the resources to carry out whatever you promised to do, you not only let yourself down, but you let the other person down as well. Cue the guilt; enter stage left.

Let’s channel Wayne’s World right now and switch to the “mega-happy ending.”

You say “No.” Maybe you follow it with a “thanks for thinking of me” or an “I can’t support you in that way,” or maybe you just leave it at “No” and smile. (Click Here for a free cheat-sheet on How to Say No). You then go about your regularly scheduled day. You get what you need to get done, done. You spend quality time with your family and friends, you feed your soul and take care of yourself, and you go to bed with peace in your heart and a grin on your face.

Why? Because you gave yourself the gift of No. You made your priorities a priority, which allowed you to handle a reasonable number of tasks in a day instead of pretending to be Wonder Woman.

No Is a Gift You Give Others

But wait… “No” is not just a beneficial answer for you. It helps others as well!

What would have happened if that meeting planner hadn’t told me no? They could’ve left me hanging, waiting to hear back. They could’ve told me it was between me and another speaker and strung me on for months. Had they done that, I would’ve been sitting there, twiddling my thumbs, with my calendar blocked off and no hope of filling that date with another gig.

When you tell someone you will do “the thing” and then don’t do it, they find themselves in a similar thumb-twiddling situation. They are counting on you, and you are about to let them down. Of course, if you give them the gift of a “No,” they are now free to find someone else to help them (or empowered to do it themselves). They get to move on.

Sure, we all want to hear “yes.” But when “yes” isn’t possible, “no” is definitely the second-best answer. To whom do you need to give the gift of “No”?

About the Author

Sheryl Green is a Mental Health speaker and author who works with individuals and organizations to establish healthy boundaries to improve relationships, communication, and well-being. Her mission is to make the world a better place… one boundary at a time. Learn more about her entertaining and illuminating programs or contact her at 702.885.4309.