Are you afraid of Kryptonite?

Nope, I’m not talking about the glowing rock that has the power to take down Superman. I’m talking about Boundary Kryptonite.

What is Boundary Kryptonite?

No matter how far along you are on this boundary journey, there is someone or something who can cause all the yucky feelings to come rushing right back. It’s like when you find that old pair of Coke bottle eyeglasses at the bottom of your closet and are instantly transported to 6^th grade when no boys would give you the time of day, and you had to run to the bathroom immediately after lunch to remove the boulders of food stuck in your braces.

Just me? I’m not at all still traumatized. Not even a little.

Moving on.

Maybe it’s a family member who calls for a favor, and you can feel your new, healthy boundaries crumbling around you. Or maybe (as I’m about to share) it’s a former life/identity calling, and you are scrambling to hold on to your new boundary skills for dear life.

Face to Face with My Kryptonite

Allow me to explain. Last week, I received a message from someone I worked with at the animal rescue. She had some questions for me. Years ago, we hired her company to do some marketing for us for a short period of time. Since she’s got an animal rescue in Costa Rica now, and I’ve been there twice in the past 6 months, I assumed her questions had something to do with that. I was more than happy to chat with her.

We couldn’t connect on the phone, so she messaged me her question… could I give her access to the rescue’s LinkedIn page?

Oh, the flood of feelings! There I was, sitting in my office (which I did NOT have two years ago), yet transported back to that day in late Fall of 2021, driving down the road and contemplating taking my own life. Amazing how that works!

Not only did I not have access or a password to get into the page, I also didn’t have the internal fortitude to be reminded of this time in my life. Oh, and did I mention I was in the middle of a conference, and the last thing I had time for was putting my learning on hold to go on a wild goose chase for an organization I hadn’t been connected to in over two years and have no access to any of my old contacts or files.

But it’s for the animals!!!!

No, the woman didn’t say that. I did. Because that’s still my first reaction when it comes to pet rescue. My second reaction? Ole Reliable… I don’t want this woman to think I’m not nice. Blech! Yuck! Hurl! I know better than this!

Standing Up to My Kryptonite

My stomach was in knots. So, I did what I’ve trained myself (and many others) to do… I contacted my Boundary Buddy. If you haven’t been following along, a Boundary Buddy is a friend who isn’t wrapped up in your emotional state, who can think clearly and objectively, and provide a sounding board (or a scapegoat) for your boundary decisions.

…And she did. No sooner had my screenshots of the conversation landed in her text messages than I got a response. “You don’t owe her or them anything. Ignore it.”

Well, it was sage advice, but I couldn’t in good conscience do that. While animals don’t use LinkedIn (although I wish mine would get a job already), ultimately, it was for the animals. However, that didn’t mean I was going out of my way, making anyone else’s priorities my priority or allowing this to go any further.

I sent the following message:

“I’m on break for the next 25 minutes from my conference. You can send the password reset during that time. After that, please don’t contact me regarding the rescue’s stuff. Thank you for respecting that. Happy to chat about anything else in the future.”

7 Steps to Defeating Boundary Kryptonite

Let’s break down what I did so that if you are faced with your Boundary Kryptonite in the future, you know how to handle it.

1. Identify the old beliefs that are running through your head. Once you can see them for what they are, it’s easier to defeat them.
2. Contact a Boundary Buddy! If you don’t already have one, find a friend who has healthy boundaries and can support you in working through your feelings and devising a plan of action.
3. Figure out how much you are willing to do (if anything). Once again, healthy boundaries are not a big “screw you” to the world. If you have the resources and the desire to do whatever is being asked of you, do it. Read that again. Because if you don’t have the resources and the desire… well, that’s a big NO!
4. Communicate what you are willing to do and under what terms. In my situation, I had a break during which I was willing to check my phone and email. If she contacted me during that time, I’d be able and willing to help.
5. Create a boundary for the future. I let her know, in no uncertain terms, that this would be the last conversation we ever had regarding the rescue. I wasn’t refusing to speak with her again, but this topic was off-limits.
6. Celebrate! You did well. This was just another rep you’ve done to strengthen your boundary muscle. Nice work.
7. Uphold your boundary! I haven’t had the need or opportunity to do this yet, as it just happened a week ago. However, I’m ready (as is my Boundary Buddy) to handle the situation should it arise.

Whether your Boundary Kryptonite is a family member, a friend, or an old situation, it’s bound to show up every once in a while. The great news? You now have the strength and the tools to withstand the effects of that kryptonite.

For more tips on creating boundaries for a better business and life, visit www.SherylGreenSpeaks.com/boundary-bites

Have you identified your Boundary Kryptonite?

About the Author

Sheryl Green is a Mental Health speaker and author who works with individuals and organizations to establish healthy boundaries to improve relationships, communication, and well-being. Her mission is to make the world a better place… one boundary at a time. Learn more about her entertaining and illuminating programs or contact her at 702.885.4309.