We are a few weeks into 2025 – be honest… how are you doing with your New Year’s Resolutions?

If you’re lowering your head in shame right now because you’ve already eaten sugar, stopped going to the gym, skipped a few days of reading or meditating, or splurged on something you didn’t actually need, don’t worry. You are not alone.

According to a study done by Drive Research 23% of adults will quit their New Year’s Goals by the end of the first week of January, 43% will fail by February 1^st, and… wait for it… only 9% of American will actually keep their resolutions throughout the year.

Nine percent, folks. Nine percent.

So, if you’ve already blown your resolution, or if you are just hanging on by a thread, I’ve got you.

In order to learn how to keep your resolutions, we need to understand why they so often fail.

Why Do New Year’s Resolutions Fail?

Committing to New Year’s Resolutions is challenging for so many people, but why? Well, there are actually a few reasons:

1. We set unrealistic goals
2. We don’t create habits that will help us achieve our resolutions or build in the accountability to stick to habits
3. We have the memories of gold fish

But there’s another reason why we so often fail to keep New Year’s Resolutions… we suffer from OPP.

Now OPP is a very serious condition. No, I’m not referring to the song by Naughty by Nature, I’m talking about Other People’s Priorities.

The least often discussed reason why resolutions fail, is a lack of healthy boundaries.

Let’s look at an example. Let’s say that you have decided to get more sleep in the new year. You’re tired of wandering around like a zombie, relying on coffee to help you function, and crashing so hard by mid-afternoon, that you’re reaching for a sugary snack to help you survive.

Well, what does more sleep require? More hours. In order to achieve your goal of 8 hours of sleep, you need to be in bed by 9 pm. Not a problem, right?

Until the phone rings at 8:30 pm.

“Hey! A few of us are going to the bar to celebrate Heather’s promotion. Come meet us!”

This sounds like fun and you want to support your friend… but you know you won’t be home until 10 pm the earliest (and more realistically, 11 or 12). What do you do?

Or perhaps this year, you plan to spend more time with your family. You’ve missed a lot of games, concerts, and spelling bees due to your demanding schedule, and you really want to show up for your kids and spouse.

Until your boss comes into your office at 4 pm on a Friday, or a client calls with a rush job that will require you to work all weekend. What do you do?

Too often, we abandon our resolutions, goals, and dreams because someone else “needs” us. We put our plans on the back burner because we’ve dedicated our life to being “selfless” and caring for others.

Unfortunately, this leads to overwhelm, resentment, and a lot of failed new years resolutions. The worst part? Every time we fail to do something we set out to do, we see it as a sign that we aren’t capable and it erodes our self-confidence.

Enough is enough! If you make (and keep) one resolution this year, let it be to stop people-pleasing. Did you just gasp out loud? Don’t worry, you’re about to learn a tool that will help you tame the spread of OPP.

How to Set Boundaries and Position Your Priorities as the Priority

Everyone needs something, and you’re probably used to them coming to you for help. So used to it, in fact, that you probably say yes before they’ve even finished asking for whatever it is they need.

Stop.

Easier said than done, Sheryl. It’s like the Yes just comes flying out of my mouth.

I hear you. But in order to stop people pleasing, you are going to have to stop the automatic response. Try one of these actions to take a much-needed Pause.

• Take a breath
• Put a finger to your lips and tap like you are thinking
• Take a drink or put some food in your mouth
• If you can’t keep your mouth shut, say something noncommittal like, “Interesting”

Once you’ve created some space between their ask and your response, it’s time to run through a 3-question process. I call this the Clash Question: Should I Yay or Should I No. You can either do this in the moment, or tell the other person that you’ll need some time to get back to them.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do I want to or have to do this? If you don’t want to or have to, the answer is automatically No. If one of these conditions is true, move on to the next question.
2. Do I have the resources to carry it out? Everything we do takes time, money, physical or emotional energy, or brainpower. If you don’t have the resources necessary, the answer is automatically No.
3. Are you willing to give something else up? Our resources are finite. There’s only so much time in a day. If you say yes to this “opportunity” what will you have to say No to? If you’re not willing to give anything up, the answer is No.

If you’ve answered Yes to all of these questions (it has to be ALL of the questions), you can go ahead and say Yes to whatever is being asked of you.

Applying the Clash Question

Let’s look back at our earlier examples:

1. You have resolved to get a solid 8 hours of sleep each night. This is important for your physical and emotional health, and will help you perform better in your professional life, and show up better for your family and friends. You’ve been invited out for drinks during the week. Let’s look at our Clash Question in action:
   1. Do you want to or have to? Of course you want to! You love your friends and you’re excited for your friend’s promotion.
   2. Do you have the resources? You’ve got the money to buy some drinks. Technically, you have the time… technically. Let’s say you do so we can visit the last question.
   3. Are you willing to give something else up? Well, if you go to the bar, you won’t get home until past your bed time. That means you’ll be giving up your 8 hours of sleep.

2. You have resolved to spend more time with your family. You love spending time with them and they deserve to get the very best version of you. But your boss or a client needs you to work late or over the weekend. It’s time for the Clash Question:
   1. Do you want to or have to? This may depend on your career and/or your income. If you work for someone else, you may be required to work overtime when needed (this is a much longer conversation. You can find resources regarding workplace boundaries here.) Let’s say, for argument’s sake, you want the overtime or the extra client project for financial reasons.
   2. Do you have the resources? It’s the end of your workday or the weekend. Is there “open” time after hours or on Saturday and Sunday? Technically… yes. Unless of course, you’ve committed to spending time with family. When you’ve already “scheduled” your time off, the real answer is No – you don’t have the resources.
   3. Are you willing to give something else up? If you’ve made it to this question, it’s time to really weigh your priorities. You are in danger of brushing off a goal you have resolved to focus on this year, just because someone else wants you to do something.

In the past, you may have chosen to go out or work extra hours despite your resolution. What will you do now?

Conclusion

Sure, there are many reasons why our resolutions fail, but if you look closely, not setting healthy boundaries is the most dangerous. This year, stop letting other people’s needs dictate where you put your focus. Make your priorities THE priority, set healthy boundaries, and let this be the year your New Year’s Resolutions actually stick.

If you are ready to learn how to set boundaries, speak up for yourself, and go after what YOU want, my coaching program can help. Let’s chat.

For more information on establishing healthy boundaries in your personal and professional life, visit www.SherylGreenSpeaks.com

About Sheryl Green

Sheryl Green is a Mental Health speaker, author, and the “How to Say No” Expert. She works with individuals and organizations to establish healthy boundaries to improve relationships, communication, and well-being. Her mission is to make the world a better place… one boundary at a time. Learn more about her entertaining and illuminating programs or contact her at 702.885.4309.

Get her How to Say No cheat sheet.