Last week, we talked about WHY your need holiday boundaries. (You don’t want to be financially or energetically in debt, and you want to continue having good relationships.) Now, let’s talk about HOW to set holiday boundaries.

First, we’re going to discuss some tips on protecting your physical and mental health during this season. Next, you’ll learn a decision-making framework that will help you set healthy boundaries at work and at home. Finally, I’ll share some simple boundary scripts you can use immediately.

How to Set Holiday Boundaries: Make Time for Self-Care

You can’t power through the holiday season, guzzling eggnog, staying up until the wee hours of the morning, traveling cross-country, and interacting with everyone and their brothers, and expect to stay healthy.

Self-care is never optional, but during this season of go-spend-visit-spend-go, it’s even more essential.

Sleep: Most humans need 7-9 hours of sleep to function properly. If you don’t have the time to sleep in the next morning, don’t make it a late night. You can go to a party and leave early (I promise it’s possible, I’ve done it).

Nutrition: December holidays offer some of the year’s best food, so enjoy it. You can indulge in a special dinner… just don’t have cookies for breakfast and donuts for lunch. Eat two healthy meals a day, and then enjoy (guilt-free) dinner and a few bites of dessert.

Exercise: No, getting in and out of the car, carrying potluck dishes, and struggling to pull your snow boots on don’t count as exercise. However, even something as simple as a 10-minute walk after that delicious dinner can help stave off the holiday weight gain.

Meditation/Prayer/Journaling/Self-Reflection: Whatever you do to get quiet… do it. I’ve developed a nice Yoga Nidra practice that gives me time to sit with myself and rejuvenates me mid-day.

Protecting your self-care practice will keep your immune system functioning and allow you to fully enjoy the season without excess weight, germs, or stress.

A Decision-Making Framework to Set Holiday Boundaries

It can be easy to fall into an “I have to do everything” trap. Thankfully, it’s not necessary. Using my PEC Model will help you make better decisions, set healthy boundaries, and keep your sanity intact.

Pause (P)

You will be invited to events. Friends and family (and coworkers) will want to exchange presents. There will be all sorts of “demands” on your money, time, and energy. Your job is to Pause before you respond to them.

Rather than an automatic, “Of course,” followed by days if not years of resentment, take a breath. Give yourself a moment to think about what you’re being asked to do. You may be able to respond once you’ve gathered your brain, or you may need to buy yourself some time. Thankfully, there’s no law requiring you to respond immediately.

Evaluate (E)

This step allows you to run whatever you’re being asked to do through three essential questions:

1. Do I want to or have to?
2. Do I have the resources?
3. Am I willing to give something else up?

Let’s look at a common holiday “ask” through this lens.

“I’m having a party this weekend. You have to come!”

The December 2024 version of you would’ve just said “Yes” and then silently seethed. But “2025 you” is going to Pause.

Next, you’re going to say, “Do I want to go or have to go?”

Will you lose your job if you don’t attend? Lose a client? Let down someone you love deeply? If the answer is No, you can skip ahead to the Communication portion. (We’ll get there shortly). If the answer is yes to Have to or Want to, you can move to the next question.

Let’s say you want to go. So, you ask yourself, do I have the resources (time, energy, money, etc.)? You have no other plans that night, and it won’t cost anything, so you can move to the final question: “Am I willing to give something else up?”

Here’s the tricky one. When you say Yes to something, you are saying No to something else. Perhaps you’ve got nothing planned that night, but the next morning you’re supposed to run a 5k at 6 am. If you say Yes to the party, there’s a good chance you don’t make it to the 5k, or you’re so exhausted that you hate every minute of it.

The key to these questions is that, to say Yes to whatever is being asked of you, you have to be able to say Yes to all three questions.

Now, you’ve made your decision, and it’s time for step 3:

Communicate (C)

You’ve got three options:

1. Yes
2. No
3. Yes… and

Yes is pretty self-explanatory, so let’s move on to No.

Now, despite what Instagram memes may tell you, “No” is not a complete sentence. At least not if you’d like to keep your job or your friends.

While you don’t need to give a long, drawn-out, detailed explanation, a little bit of context goes a long way.

You don’t even have to apologize. Just give enough of a cushion so it doesn’t sound like a middle finger accompanies your No.

Finally, you could say Yes… and. This is when you agree, but put your own qualifications on it. Perhaps you need to arrive late, leave early, or bring a friend who is staying with you.

With the PEC Method, you don’t have to wing it — you can set boundaries with confidence.

Next, you’ll learn how to (potentially) respond in specific situations.

Boundary Scripts You Can Use Immediately to Set Holiday Boundaries

I’ve grouped this into some common requests that may arise around the holidays.

Requests for Gift Exchanges

• “Thank you for including me! I’m keeping things really simple this year. I won’t be participating in gift exchanges. I hope you all have a blast!”
• “While I’d love to participate, I’m watching my spending this month. I’m opting out of gift exchanges. I’d love to celebrate with you, just without the shopping part.”
• “Instead of buying gifts for everyone this year, let’s do a Secret Santa.”
• “I love you all, and I love that we want to make the holidays special. I’m keeping things low-stress and low-spend this year, so I’m going to step out of the gift exchange. Let’s focus on time together instead.”
• “I can participate, but I need to cap it at $10. Anything above that isn’t doable for me right now.”
• “Thank you.” – Okay, I know this doesn’t seem like much, but it’s super powerful. Did you know that just because someone buys you a gift, it doesn’t mean you need to reciprocate? It’s true! You can actually just say thank you and be grateful that they thought of you.

Invitations to Events

• “Oh man, I can’t make your party. I have another obligation that night. Have fun though!”
• “Thank you so much for inviting me. I can’t make it, but I look forward to future events.”
• “Yes! I’d love to attend your party. Just so you know, I’m running a 5k in the morning, so I’ll have to head out at 9 pm.”
• “I’d love to see you, but this month is full. Let’s grab coffee in January.”

Avoiding Drama and Peer Pressure, and Protecting Your Energy

• “I’m here to enjoy time together. Let’s keep topics light and skip anything stressful.”
• “That looks amazing, but I’m going to pass. You enjoy!”
• “I’m taking hosting off my plate this year, but I’m happy to bring a dish if someone else takes the lead.”
• “I’m keeping my schedule simple this year and won’t be traveling, but I’d love to FaceTime / connect another way.”
• “I’m at capacity this week and need some quiet time. Let’s connect after the holidays.”

Conclusion

When you make time for self-care, set healthy boundaries, and are prepared to respond to any situation, you create a holiday season filled with peace and love, rather than debt and resentment.

If you’d like to learn more about how to create a Boundaried Life, get my book, “You Had Me at No: How Setting Healthy Boundaries Helps Banish Burnout, Repair Relationships, and Save Your Sanity.” It also (hint hint) makes an affordable gift.

About the Author

Sheryl Green is an author, speaker, and boundary expert.

With a background in psychology and extensive experience working with leadership teams, nonprofits, and professional organizations, she empowers audiences to integrate practical boundaries into workplace culture and personal leadership.

Sheryl is the author of multiple books, including You Had Me At No. Her programs blend research-backed strategies with real-world tools, providing both immediate impact and long-term cultural change.